By Lisa Jo Barr
We associate hearts, roses and chocolate with love. We think that we find love through holding hands with our boyfriend or girlfriend, or through all night kissing marathons.
If you’re single, you may long and ache for a partner. So what do you do? Where are the right and wrong places to find love? It can be a mysterious journey—the journey to finding love. Then there is the question: Should you even look for love, or should you wait for love to find you?
On the subject of love, here is the panel that I’ve interviewed. Some names have been changed to protect the innocent:
1. Maureen, owner of ABC Custom Framing. 2. Sabrina, artist. 3. Keegan, Culinary student. 4. Sara, artist. 5. Donna Seabreeze, nurse. 6. Ori Bengal, ( CouchsurfingOri.com ), marketer and adventurist. 7. Jeff, writer. 8. Paul, mechanical engineer. 9. Joey, sales. 10. Greg, video producer.
QUESTION: Where are all the wrong places to look for love?
Sabrina: Any situation where you cannot be yourself, where you think you have to change yourself, where the other person is not emotionally available to you. In a mental ward, in a therapeutic relationship or if the person is married.
Keegan: Any online dating site, happy hour, or the friend you’re really good friends with. With dating sites, you have the same chances of finding love as you do sitting on the bus or walking down the street.
Donna: Your girlfriend’s address book, a back alley of a bar, church.
Ori: There is no wrong place. Love generally finds you. Don’t hang out with smokers if you don’t want to date a smoker. But then again, they might turn out to be the one.
Joey: Bars and the bathhouse.
Greg: At the bar, in the club, in the mental ward, in other words ,wherever dysfunction people gather
QUESTION: What are the right places to look for love?
Keegan: On vacation, at your local coffee shop.
Sabrina: Springtime at the Denver Botanic Gardens, Friday nights at the Denver Art Museum, out to dinner with friends and friends of friends, browsing bookstores (check the Kama Sutra section), take a pottery class, volunteer for Habitat for Humanity in the summer when everyone can take their shirts off. Intermural sports, Washington park, yoga. Maybe you’ll go to all these places but run into love at the dumpster taking your trash out instead.
Ori: Go to places where the traits you’re looking for are going to be found. For instance, if you want someone who is healthy and in shape, then go to Whole Foods where they probably do their shopping. Then go to the gym and hike at the park, where they frequent. Also, online is great –you can really put yourself out there.
Donna: Your girlfriend’s address book, a back alley of a bar, and church.
Sarah: Work and school.
Paul: Nightclubs/bars, churches, church groups, and schools.
Maureen: Your friends hooking you up with their friends, activities you like to do, dancing.
Greg: inside yourself in your own heart.
QUESTION: Should you look for love, why or why not?
Sabrina: Yes and no. If you’re in the habit of looking for love in the wrong places then you need to learn how to be alone. Love is bound to find you unless you turn it away. Some people need to go out and look for love, it’s not going to find you while you’re sitting on the couch. Be active. Love brings out who you are and strengths in you and you become a better person for it. Life is more fun and enjoyable to share it with someone.
Keegan: Yes, You should if you’re capable of loving yourself if not work on self before looking for love.
Sarah: No, You shouldn’t look for love because when you do, you get a lot of disappointment. I believe in fate instead.
Donna: I’m split down the middle: no, because I’ve been there, done that, over it. Yes, because it feels good.
Ori: Yes, always be looking for love but have no attachments. If you have a goal of the type of person you want to attract, then move toward it. Be the best you. Also ask yourself if you would want to date you? Become this person. For instance, if you want someone who is financially stable, then get your financial shit together.
Jeff: Yes, but Craigslist will not get you there.
Paul: Yes, because I want to get laid. I don’t want to stay a virgin my whole life. I’d like to have children someday.
Maureen: No, because you should allow love to come to you. You should not try and control love but instead be open for it to organically come to you.
Greg: No. You cannot look for it. The more you look, the more love evades you. Love is mysterious and beautiful when it appears in our lives.